0600-1000:
- Usual day as always woke up for work and went on.
- Feeling bit more sick than yesterday. Thought it was just a headache, now I have running nose and a minor feverish feeling.
1000-1400:
- No time for sitting down and contemplate. Every time I try to sit and write something, issues pop up.
- Read some of george orwell essays and his journals for inspiration.
1400-1800:
- I have been reading Orwell’s notes, which I find fascinating, for someone as learned and respected as him thinks people as them and us. Either I’m not well read of Orwell to make an assumption, which I know that he was against british imperialism. However he also hated the natives for hating on him.
- On Shooting an elephant, Orwell does the killing not because the elephant attacked him, but being pressurised by what the natives would think of him being a Sahib and not being able to kill one elephant. He does resent himself for that, as he had to do it not because he wants to, but he assumed, the people would assume him to be coward, and not very English.
- That fascinated me. Assuming what a crowd of 2000 Burmese would think, and killing an elephant, still is not a good thing. By assuming what they think of him, he is simply doing what they are doing. It touched my soul in a lot of ways, as I also assume others will think of us in such way, so I do certain things. I am guilty of the feeling. I also have assumed British people to be racist towards south asians, and they will assume me to act in a certain way, they think of. That’s a lot of unnecessary assumptions and generalisation.
- The writer did criticise himself, but it does reflect what the whole British empire failed to do while it was on power.
- The empire was in a perfect position to understand the whole of humanity, and bring actual peace to the world, but it didn’t. The empire gathered Golds and Diamonds rather than the Knowledge, it itself boasts of.
1800-2200:
- Still I was not out of my criticism of that one essay I read that Orwell wrote. It was an honest piece, he wrote what he thought. People praise him and the essay itself has been an piece against imperialism, just like Orwell was. But I had thought of him not as a person who would assume and blame both the Empire and the crowd itself for his own assumption and anxiety.
- Orwell could have wrote the piece to make people understand many things, and wanted a nuanced critique of everything he said in honesty. And that note could have been the one written by a young and naive orwell, as he has also written a piece about Antisemitism in Britain. This shows he does consider people, even the learned one can make mistake and think irrationally about certain group of people.
- Also, the fact that I do not understand Orwell, neither have I read his books, other than Animal Farm. Which was handed to me by my brother when I was 13. I thought it was about human nature and the corrupting nature of power, but it was about Communism? I wasn’t genuinely aware of communism as philosophy at that age, although I was interested in psychology and human nature, hence read the book as such.
- I could also be making assumption about him and his writing without understanding the context and his relation with Burma and Burmese people.
- As per my understanding, he did understood some Burmese(the language), but was was one layer away(translators, subordinates) from the culture. If so, how did he diminish the whole crowd of 2000 people to assume they all wanted the elephant to die? Unless they all voted and chanted the same thing, how can he be sure about it. What if 1500 people wanted him to spare the elephant but he focused on the vocal 500? The essay seems to be focusing on the wrong guilt Orwell should have had. It focuses on the pressure white person has to endure to maintain dignity on an Imperial state, however he himself could have spared the elephant and do the moral thing, as it was just a phase of that elephant, which COULD have been controlled by his mahout.
- Did everyone wanted the meat of elephant? Or some, maybe 50 families? As there is no way one dead elephant can feed more than that or even less. How many people is that out of 2000?
- The fact is I am not ranting against Orwell, or his decision. But against the assumption we as humans make about a group of people.
- I have been on the both side of this group thinking, as I have been born in the family of Upper Caste and Exclusive Brahmins, who do not see others as equal to themselves, even now. I grew up with that thinking, as fed by my elders, peers, and amongst friends, as kids we used to make fun of people of lower caste. I remember once we made comparison In status, Brahmins were the roof, Kshetris as the top floor, other various castes as the ground floor, and the lowest castes or the untouchables being the basement, which was under the ground level.
- It does hurt my soul, knowing that the “Aryas” got corrupted to think into group-ism, which our own scriptures deny of. Also hurts to know many learned people, who did have time to think and understand humans and how everyone from the depths of africa to high rises of asia, we are same people, driven by same feelings and desires, and similar in structure. The British Empire, at it’s best was the high time to understand that, and the ones who could have understood this were the British Learned. Instead, they also defaulted into the thinking of “Our group better”.
- I know there are many sweet nectars of learnings on Hindu scriptures, which I cannot explain to others, and none of the christians and moslems have read it, because for them, it’s not the truth. Similarly, no hindu reads and tries to understand the muslim and christian or any other group’s scriptures, as for us, they do not contain the truth. None contain the truth, but each one has a pocket of knowledge, that might open our understanding of the nature and reality itself.
2200-0000:
- I stopped ranting about the note of orwell.
- I like that I have been able to continue writing journals, without interruptions.
- Maybe I should start ranting more and publish it on the internet, it seems to make me calmer. Obsidian and my current setup has done an amazing job. I also wish to be able to upload images and shown on the blogs efficiently.
- I believe that we have become consumers rather than creators. Consuming without creating is unhealthy, so it seems I need to create more as well.
- I have uninstalled tiktok and instagram as they seem to harm my thinking, making me addicted on them. Although I did it yesterday.
- Orwell’s journals were honest and based on self reflection. Its upto reader to make sense of who he was. He was flawed, but clear, which matters more.